You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
