So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
