i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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