I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
