the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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