i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
