I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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