wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you didnt know i had herpes?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize