I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
