i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
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