I just cut my nipple shaving
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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