I will die if light touches me.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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