What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So here I am, sexting at work.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
