Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
