i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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