i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
