So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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