He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We need a shit load of segways right now
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
