I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
