wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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