Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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