we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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