Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Vodka?
Forever.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
