In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
