Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
no. you can't hotbox the world.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
