I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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