if you like me you must not know who I am
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
