Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
