I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
People in love make me want to vomit
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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