My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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