Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
