I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
