Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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