I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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