I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize