Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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