I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
