Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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