booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
