just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
