her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
