your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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