Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
