grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
