In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I forget how to act sober
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
