are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
