ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just cropdusted the office
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
