you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
