She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
