I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
