Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
