I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
