My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
