She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
