If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
