So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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