I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
