did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
