NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
