do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
