Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
im holly from the hills drunk
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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