oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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