im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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