I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
