I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
