U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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