Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
