apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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