Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She bit a glass in half.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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